| Waking Up |
[Nov. 4th, 2008|09:37 pm] |
I feel like I've woken up from some fevered state, eyes clear and dry, skin cool, feeling clean and cold.
I don't know if this is another temporary lapse on my part where I get a break from myself and all that happened or this is evidence of permanency. I would like to think the latter. I don't feel that attachment any more, and I don't think I feel that on her part either, unless I'm blocking it now, which is fine with me. I can see the sun, I can feel the wind and I don't hear things from yesterday like before.
I lost sight of what I've known all along, and that is that I built myself up to where I am *alone* - I defined the path I walk and *I* am to thank for my success and my privilege. No other. I fucking forged my place among the masses and I *let* trash make me think otherwise, let me think I was one of the many dregs that limps along in a drooling stupor. I've come to see my shadow, I walked through it right onto the other side.
I am better than all of it.
All this time I thought I was the problem, that I was the one that wasn't catching the train on time. The truth of the matter is that I'm on a different ship entirely. No more chasing mediocrity in lonely fits, in low and darkened states of wanton acceptance, a slave to the body and its low standards. No more.
I will go after what I want and take it. I will rise to the lofty ideals above and beyond, hold onto the mediocrity of the "day to day" with a clenched fist and shatter it against the walls with clenched teeth and flashing eyes.
But I would not have made it here without the help of friends who took my hand and pulled me up and out of the broken glass and rusty nails, bleeding and screaming. I feel this is the sort of debt I can never repay, I only hope I can offer open arms when their time comes to pass. |
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| On My Shoulders |
[May. 19th, 2008|09:47 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | survival | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Radiohead - Airbag | ] |
I want to help. It's that simple, but it extends beyond that - I want to save things, be the hero, fix the problems, ease the stress, mend the tears.
I find myself in a place where I can help, and I am charging through the ranks with bayonet in hand, teeth clenched, looking for work. I stand at the precipice between my family, and those I love and a great raging beast hell-bent on ending this way of life, and all that has been worked for and fought for - they are old and tired, I am young and strong and just as fanatic in my resolve to stop the oncoming storm.
What I am, I have built over time, one link of armor at a time, and now I stand steadfast and ready. Luck, often enough will save a man if his courage holds.
Now I just need a little luck.
In the next world war
In a jack knifed juggernaut
I am born again
In the neon sign scrolling up and down
I am born again
In an interstellar burst I am back to save the universe |
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| Long Hard Road Out of Hell |
[May. 2nd, 2008|03:16 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | survival | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Marilyn Manson - Long Hard Road Out of Hell | ] |
I want to fly into your sun
Need faith to make me numb
Live like a teenage christ
I'm a saint, got a date with suicide
Oh Mary, Mary
To be this young is oh so scary
Mary, Mary
To be this young I'm oh so scared
I wanna live
I wanna love
But it's a long hard road, out of Hell
I wanna live
I wanna love
But its a long hard road, out of Hell |
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| Doomsday Disciples |
[Feb. 19th, 2007|02:20 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | survival | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Rammstein - Keine Lust | ] |
Doomsday Disciples
The Zombie Squad was founded in 2003, shortly after five camping companions saw the zombie- and apocalypse-themed film 28 Days Later. The movie inspired the mostly twenty-something group — Spencer, his wife Jennifer, Kyle Ladd, Michelle Hatfield, and Gary Labrot — to draw up plans for a zombie-themed survival boot camp. |
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| An army of one? An army of fun! |
[Feb. 5th, 2007|04:45 pm] |
I went ahead and picked up an OWB (outside the waistband) kydex, Blade-Tech holster, and a nice, heavy-duty Galco gun belt (the store owner gave me a discount when I told him I didn't have enough cash for both). I like to walk my two dogs at night after work, sometimes my wife goes with me, sometimes she doesn't. On one occasion, a "rent-a-cop" stopped us to talk to us about "whether or not we lived here". He also asked of our names and apartment number, which I promptly gave false accounts of. Friendly guy, but could possibly have been a real piece of work given some of the news stories one can see on the evening news. Carrying my Glock with me during these night time jaunts will help tremendously.
Arizona is an open carry state - one can carry a handgun on their belt, out in the open for all to see with the exception of a few restrictions. Missouri, I have come to find out, is also an "anomalous" open carry state (legal details depend upon the city in question). Given that I'll be residing in Chesterfield and traveling to Springfield and St. Louis, I can open carry (for the most part) until I get my CCW.
Apparently St. Louis requires that one gains the written permission of the shop owner and have that on one's person every time one enters the business with an openly carried handgun. To me, this is a significant pain in the ass, but I suppose it's better than not permitting it at all. It's also worth it in St. Louis given the crime as well.
If you ever contemplate doing the same, DO NOT live in Illinois, Wisconsin or California. Illinois and Wisconsin deny the right to carry (concealed or openly) and while California "may issue" I've read it's very, very, very difficult to obtain one. Something to keep in mind.
Now to tell my wife to toss the chocolates and replace them with ammo for me for V-Day. This is the chocolate for me, not her, bear in mind. I can't say she'd be terribly thrilled at a few boxes of shiny ammunition and a card for Valentine's Day (though I certainly would be). |
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| Glock 19 |
[Jan. 20th, 2007|05:13 pm] |
More pictures
I was calling around this weekend about prices on my S&W 9mm and finally found a guy that would match the price I was asking for it. Not only that, but he also provided a nice price for my .22 Ruger revolver. I decided to trade in both to help fund my new Glock 19.
Inside I was met with walls full of assault rifles and shotguns. The owner was an older man, gray, long hair, mustache and round spectacles - clean and well kept. In an odd moment, as soon as I entered my eyes wandered to the far wall where the same model Hi-Point 9mm Carbine that Eric Harris used in the Columbine Incident sat. Once my paperwork was completed and I awaited my background check I asked to see the rifle. I held it and aimed in a safe direction...short of my mind fully wandering back through the events on April 20th per the police reports the owner interrupted me, informing me my paperwork had processed.
I returned the carbine, paid, talked with the owner for awhile and left with my Glock 19. The buying experience was great, the owner is probably the only decent FFL in the Phoenix/Tempe area. Looking at the rifle was a provocative coincidence.
While I waited, a group of college students (all guys) walked in. One attempted to purchase a Taurus semi-automatic pistol and was denied due to his residency being California (CA license). One of his friends jokingly said they'd check the blackmarket, the assistant clerk responded that they could have him arrested or fined for those kinds of comments and to either refrain from saying anything else or leave the store. While I'm a little uncertain about the real legality of that, it was nice to see idiots get reprimanded for a change. They were the typical frat-boy, 'drink and screw' lot that probably "liked shit that goes BOOM" etc.
The Handgun Buying Process
Entering most gun stores requires that you not wear any concealed and loaded weapons and that all weapons brought into the store be unloaded as well. Most of these places, at least here in the Phoenix area, aren't terribly friendly looking (and for good reason if you consider the merchandise inside). All have barred windows and heavily reinforced doors. Upon entering, most (good) shopkeepers will quickly and carefully look you over, specifically paying attention to your hands, hips and articles of clothing. This will take place for awhile until you speak with them and show that you aren't an asshole after which things ease up tremendously.
In Arizona at least, trading in a firearm is easy. Over the phone it's generally courteous to inform the person in question about the model and condition of the firearms in question - trying to bullshit a dealer that your well-used firearm is brand new is probably the best way to stop yourself from getting any kind of respect back from them. The dealer asks you what you want for the gun. After careful research on your part, you provide a price that's over what you originally wanted. He'll usually check a bluebook or if he's a decent dealer (as mine was) he'll provide an estimate that's closer to what should be paid for the firearm. You'll discuss price and he'll inform you of the way tax works on the gun purchase. In Arizona, the sales tax applies AFTER the difference of your trade-ins is obtained (it is illegal to do so otherwise). Keep in this mind. Lastly, he'll calculate a final total.
Once that's out of the way and you've decided to purchase from him, he'll give you a single sheet form that requires your name, address, telephone, etc. It also has a list of questions about your criminal background. Finally, two sets of fingerprints are taken (index finger only) as part of the final receipt indicating the trades, the guns' serial numbers and the amounts involved along with a signature by you, the buyer. These are held for 20 days and then destroyed as per Arizona law. No Brady Bill waiting period, no wait at all save for the instant background check with the police department, then you walk away with your handgun. All in all, it took 20 minutes to complete (and that's including my looking at the carbine).
It goes to show you that appearances are always deceptive. This place would have been the last I would have considered as a reputable, fair place to deal with. Sure enough, this guy turns out to be the only person willing to work with me and make a sale in a fair manner.
General Impressions
Glocks just feel more solid, more rugged than the S&W Sigmas in my opinion. The gun came, new, in its original box with two 15+1 clips mags, a cleaning brush, manual and even a lock for the gun. Until I get to the range, I'll be studying Glock's company history and start researching how to smartly pick a CCW holster for when that time comes. Later, I'll also most likely install fixed Trijicon night sights, or I'll investigate the viability of installing a light on my 19's bottom rail given that the majority of attacks take place at night, in a parking lot near/around one's vehicle.
The range I want to visit is closed tomorrow - will start practicing next weekend most likely. Here's to small, honest business owners. |
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| Ice Storm |
[Jan. 13th, 2007|03:04 pm] |
Missouri (Springfield, St. Louis area) has been hit with an ice storm knocking out power to a substantial number of homes in the area. My F.I.L called on his cell phone and was discussing the weather. He has a generator, along with ample firewood and food and water stored.
The guy across the street has his generator running as well. This supposedly started at 11 a.m. CST and is still progressing further. These sorts of things are the most likely "survival" scenario to crop up in normal, day-to-day activities, I think it's interesting to note and bear in mind for those that live in severe weather prone areas. |
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| Survival |
[Dec. 13th, 2006|10:45 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | avenger, survival | ] |
| [ | Mood |
| | strong | ] |
| [ | Music |
| | Information Society - Ozar Midrashim 1.1 | ] |
Time and again, foul things attacked me, lurking and stalking, but I lashed out, gave as good as I got with my sword. My flesh was not for feasting on, there would be no monsters gnawing and gloating over their banquet at the bottom of the sea.
-Beowulf |
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